In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
May peace and blessings of Allah be upon Muhammad, the final messenger
Salam & hi to all,
have you ever heard of a term 'emotional bribery'? i have checked in the dictionary online, and it says that bribery means something, such as money or a favor, offered or given to a person in a position of trust to influence that person's views or conduct and the other definition says it is something serving to influence or persuade. in my terms of emotional bribery, one would use any means in order to get what he/she wants/hopes and the bribe form is intangible.
(the format of my writing tonight is a bit different..how i missed writing a thesis again haha...)
i have a client who is a muslim lady and married to a very nice German convert. this lady said that the hubby is the best thing that has ever happened in her life, and to my understanding, that is an indirect declaration that she loves her hubby more than anything else. sadly, she said that she needs to adapt with the life of the husband's family, that resulted her to open her cover and doesnt perform solah and eats all but pork during any family dinner. i didnt ask more about her other obligatory duties after she admitted that she drinks, which indicates that to practise Islam is secondary and not to be 'different' is more important.
this was in 2009, when my syarie lawyer friend grumbled saying that he was having difficulty in representing his client who is also his good friend for a divorce case filed by the wife (the client's wife). he was having hard time to proof the client's innocence by virtue he knows exactly what is the type of client he is representing, who beats the wife, irresponsible as huby, dad and womanizer (ops!). what made him continue giving his friend a favor? i myself cant imagine him giving his opinions on the client before the judge!
my 3rd example is a general example about the people who bring chaos in the society, gay society. let us put it this way, lets say (for example) a loving muslim dad to his only child. when the son confessed of being gay, how would the dad respond? and having the unconditional love towards the son, how would the father treat him as his blood and flesh, and as one of the community of the society but knowing the fact his son is being contrasty indifferent?
if you read again and read it carefully, emotional bribery occurs between 2 people who know each other and having a strong bond of relationship. do you see the element of LOVE? love is the most dangerous element that can cause this emotional bribery and love is also the cure. what am i saying? disagree? ok, allow me to prove it.
look at case 1. her hubby might filled the emptiness in her heart, being there for her at the times she needs him, so what more does she need to have? her hubby might not asked her to give up her religion, nor to westernized herself in form of belief, dressing etc..but what made her put her original values and principals at jeopardy? for cultural exchange?
look at case 2 now. he knew how wrong his actions were, representing a person who is in his knowledge is not an innocent subject. why did he go against his legal profession principals? if this in regards of money, yes this could deviate one good lawyer's value of ethics. having a case with no fee and the professional legal aid was a free favor for the friend, this effort must have been drived from something. can you see the difference?
finally case 3. it is clearly stated in the Quran how ALlah SWT mentioned firmly on the punishment of this kind of abnormal passion. should we just burn all the gays to death, or secretly do a 'mujahideen sniper' and shoot them off at the head? irony, you can marry your same gender partner and you can publicly and openly kiss him in california as these politicians got to nod to the gay supporters' demands to legalize the impossibles. now your own beloved gay son whom you never pinch from birth, has invited you for his gay wedding ceremony and prior to this he tells you that he would like to convert to christianity...on my God! whats going on in here?
ok let me speak my mind now. as i said earlier, love is the sole contributory factor to this emotional bribery and therefore it is an important yet dangerous element. for me, i do belief that love is also the cure. this 'crime' involves 2 parties A and B who who are having a strong ties of feeling for each other (either family ties or friendship). so, what and where exactly bribing fits in this phenomena? all those doers have been bribed emotionally that is derived from the LOVE itself. in the name of love, the other party is expecting the openness and acceptance so to speak to support the doings, which is obviously against the principal of the religion. i heard from a friend that there was a religious man who married a chinese convert and due to the deep love he has for the non practising muslim convert wife, he eats everything served on the table, which includes pork (he told this to his friend). why is this happening?
for me, to prevent this, firstly, we must be aware that as a human being, Allah SWT gives us the Quran and appointed our last prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) to share and spread the love among us, to guide us from the right and the wrong paths, to recognize the truth and to reject falsehood. my point here is we are here not just to enjoy the comfort zone and ignore whatever that dont favor our ears. we have duties and tests to face in this world. people during the prophet's (peace be upon him) time, had been tested with the continuous, torturous and unbearable physical pain, and other unimaginable tremendous torment. their resentment to idolize the idols in exchange of keeping their faith had made their body being cut into half, their babies being slaughtered before their eyes, pushed into a hole with blazing fire but still they chose to be burnt alive and to die as a martyr. they chose the 'highway' to reach the final destination thus, they turned to no junction. the physical painful tests were just small obstacles along the way to Jannah. they have made the most worthy sacrifice in hope to please and show their love to the Creator.
How about us? nobody can touch no one without consent, else 911 would be very busy in business. believers 1400 years ago had been tested with their physical and now, we are being tested with our MIND. how are we going to use our mind to show our love to Allah SWT? definitely not having war, and definitely not using any weapons. its going to be MIND JIHAD (STRIVE/STRUGGLE).
look at all the 3 cases given above. the root element is emotional aspect - love can fool and defeat soundness. in the name of love, to become a slave is an honor and shakespeare has proven that theory. but think again, when we abide to the antagonistic doings as what being told by our Creator, is it not the same as idolizing and worshiping the one that we love? how to combat the foolishness and drunkenness of the psychology using LOVE at the expense of the faith? this is why i said that we are tested with our mind and the test is put on us at every single seconds!
how do we call others in the most appropriate, charming, beautiful and positive way so that they would see the essence of what we are trying to preach? comparatively, how would i help to remind my client (case 1) if i say goodbye (i'l never see your face again) and stop communicating with her? how would that lawyer continously giving advices to his 'innocent until proven guilty' friend if he decides to cease being the legal advisor and relationship turns cold? how would a dad disowns his own and the only son, and sentenced him as the hellfire 'charcoal' and confirms the punishment that actually exclusively Allah SWT liberty? what is my point actually? are we appeasing and being apologetic to the disbelievers/stray muslims by having and respecting them as a client, friend or son? do we condone their sinful acts? how do we awaken the sleeping mind without denying their rights to express their thought which doesnt necessary to be accepted if it contradicts our principals? wouldnt a dynamic conversation avoid any clash that might hurt/disturb the main objective of the discussion? let them voice out their fear and let them hear our hope for them. let us get the understanding on the idea to have a harmonious life together. afterall, we are sharing the same small planet, getting the same source of sunlight and breath the same air.
the test on us is how we use our mind to think of the best way to bring others and share the content and context of the Quran that whoever sincerely do the good deeds would always get the attention from Allah SWT compared to the other who dont. Our duty is to introduce and to share the way, the techniques and whatever methods to know our Lord, and to develop the feelings for Him. i belief, by portraying our true identity as a good muslim that RESPECTS the others no matter what color of skin, beliefs and different cultural of etnicity, could be the preface of how beautiful Islam is. With our sincerity and doa for Allah SWT to enlighten them with guidance, they might request for more 'talks' on our thoughts, insyaAllah.
ok, why LOVE is the cure for this emotional bribery problem? would A or B finds any contradictions in opinions/views if both parties have the same upmost feelings of love towards/for our Creator? ok, worse case senario, if there isnt any mutual understanding, and they decide to keep the disagreements towards our thoughts, then who are we to call them as chain-sinners and who do we think we are to arrogantly judge/label them as the permanent hellfire community? no muslims can predict to pass/fail in the tests till the doomsday and no one knows if the disbelievers would convert/repent the minute they talk to other knowledgeable well spoken muslims.. no one knows. Allah SWT knows best and is up to Him to give guidance to anyone He wishes to. thats why its essential to have a free judgemental attitude when it comes to a healthy discussion.
so, what is our function then? how to prepare ourselves for this millennium TESTS? how would we share the beauty of the Quran for example, if we ourselves having zero goal, weak minded with no objective to glorify our religion at all? with our beautiful islamic identity we must try to read more to widen our islamic knowledge, seek more advices and views from the prominent scholars, improve our 'amal (deeds), learn how to socialize in a healthy and modest way according to the religion, improve our communication skill especially with the disbelievers, sharpen our listening skill, respect others' opinion and most importantly RESPECT others as the creations of the Creator. is it our duty to change their mind about their beliefs? NO, it is not, but we can help to decrease the gap between the muslims and the non muslims by slotting in knowledge and message that Islam is PEACE and offers peace.
we are the 'promotion agent' and we must not make our 'sole product' look bad. i know its hard to deal with this feelings, knowing that infront of us lies the uncertainties of either having a 'known devils or an unknown angels' towards our religion. we can respect anyone but can we trust all of them? its hard to fight the feelings of not setting any boundaries between respect a person human being who has rights, and respect what he is doing which is not righteous. the test, how would by isolating ourselves within our muslims circle, can help them in understanding our religion? how would we be so self centered and selfish by virtue we know that to equip them with knowledge of islam means to bridge them to religion itself? How do we portray the beauty of the religion with the ugliness of our attitude especially in communication? who else do you expect to represent Islam to picture the real message to be conveyed, and to carry this responsibilities, if not we ourselves, muslims?
thinking about this is really tiring, but this is another test for us. if we love Allah SWT, then its our duty to share the feelings with the others so that the burden of works to correct the wrong doings wont be that difficult. if this parallel feelings is common among us, any insignificant differences wont be an issue anymore as long as they (the issues) are not against with what is legislated in the Quran. yes, we cant please everyone neither can we put any heaven/hell verdict to anyone. havent you heard of a story of a man who repented after killing 100 men and an ulama' (scholar) who killed a lady after being drunk and committing adultery ? no one is free from tests, so leave the end result of our efforts put, to Allah SWT.
having the LOVE towards Allah SWT (above any/everything) is the cure for the emotional bribery and not just being a cure, its the only remedy to the 'disease'.