Thursday, February 11, 2010


How is bonsai theory in human relationship? yes, i know what you might be thinking, maryam and her weird topic again...i call myself a mind provoker and i enjoy doing that hehe...i know i help idle mind to start working. for me, this theory is so related to human relationship, in my humble opinion and deep observation on bonsai, i dont think there is so much gap between human and plants, if you read through, you would understand what i mean. if you like it, i might have this theory patented :p

i believe that everybody knows what bonsai is. i am a bonsai trees admirer and i myself have made few bougainvillea bonsai at home. the bonsai i made isnt like the japanese bonsai which is more authentic, small and 'shrunk', my bonsai trees at home are having the design and shape of a bonsai tree but in size, they are like normal trees. l like the way they are, preserving their normal size, let them grow normally and healthily and trim whenever i have free time, and still, they look like bonsai trees.

actually, i got the idea of this topic this morning when i was driving from Penang back to Kuala Lumpur. In Penang, i met with Puan HC, who is a government servant. Her husband works in a private firm and they live in separate houses within the same 'taman', just few blocks away....meaning her husband is her neighbour as well!. they are still maintaining the relationship as hubby-wife though this style of relationship is not normal. the marriage is always on the rock, they dont call nor sms each other and they cant have anything to discuss on together! all will end up with a quarrel.

once or twice in a month, they will get back together again, ie. they will meet up, have some conjugal activities and again, be separated for another few weeks and this went on and on and on...for years. when i asked her on how many days they ever talk or meet in a years, she answered less than 20 times and yet he lives less than 100 metres from her house.

everytime i see Puan HC, her favorite issue to discuss about, is how miserable her marriage is and the turmoil of her relationship with her husband. i dont want to elaborate her story in here, as it is full with negativity, so i will just leave the case behind. the thing i want to highlight in this blog is, Puan HC is actually the 'human bonsai' in the making and the most probable probability of its mechanism that cause it. (too technical aye?)

to ease your understanding on how to relate the bonsai plant and 'human bonsai' thing , let me firstly explain the procedure on how to create a bonsai tree. for plant haters, you might like to read this.

first of all, a normal medium sized plant (maybe 12 inces of height) is put in a small pot. with little water and soil, it is left to survive. when it shows signs of dying, then, we put some fertilizer. then when the leaves grows green and healthy, we pluck them or trim them.

we do all sort of 'torture' in order to stunt its normal growth. some will put out all soil, hang it under hot sun, and when it nearly die, then we put it back to a normal wet soil. this will go on and on and on, until the plant adjusts itself with the 'misery' surround it. i am sure, in the eyes who appreciates bonsai, this is a great work of gardening art.

so, lets get back to Puan HC. Her husband comes back home whenever he wants to. she knows that her husband is around in the taman, but he chooses to be 'deprived', not so far yet not so near. she told me that her husband treats her very well at times, but this pattern is uncertain, normally he ignores her right after the 'romantic occasion' finishes, and treats as if she is invisible in the room. According to her, that is always predictable. He is nice if he were in a good mood, he jokes, he shouts at the same time, and this seasonal angel could change to a monster and does all those domestic 'tamil' drama, if he is angry or stressful. as a coach i think its unfair for me to judge him, but because of this article concerns the consequences of not having an efficient and effective communication in marriage, i will put the 'chaotic background reality check' aside.

Puan HC used to be a plump person before. i used to be skinnier than her 20 years ago. now she is just like a walking skeleton. she said she has diebetic and when i asked, whether she has made any blood checkup in the clinic or hospital, she just kept quiet. she admits that no doctor has ever diagnosed that. this declaration is to justify why she is turning to 'mrs olive popeye' as she claimed as the most logical reason behind her, 'on going shrinking' body. now i can call her a tiny lady, 1/3 of my size i can say!

surprisingly her eating appetite hasnt change, yet she eats twice than the amount i take, she sleeps like a baby, meaning having the perfect adequacy of sleeping like most models do...but still loosing weight. i dont think Puan HC really rest when she sleeps and really satisfy when she eats. the 'desease' from being sad and unhappy eat all the nutrition from inside.

the impact of the disastrous torment has caused her apart from shrinking, she became a closed minded person with having lots of pre-misjudging mentality. this is after many many years of going through this type of relationship. during our coaching session, she said that she is capable in sustaining the current situation. she said she can 'swallow' all the ill treatment she receives from the husband and she is strong for it.

honestly speaking, i adore her and admire her spirit, just like a bonsai tree which is always 'eye catching'...small and tough.

the truth, the mind and body couldnt take this, they dont lie...they wont do they respond then? they adjust themselves like how the plants do, in order to 'survive' and it is obviously shows in any women in agony....and the output? human bonsai.


  1. salam mariam,

    weird couple but they matched very well. That's why their marriage last.

  2. its true....that is the ugly truth..

  3. Salam,


    Macam lesung dengan alunya. Satu keras menumbuk, satu keras menahan.

  4. i like this article, same story of a baby elephant that was chained since young till it became bigger but with a small mind..being chain all the time and no effort to release itself.mmmm inilah yg dikatakan hidup 'dihantui' rantai sampai ke mati

  5. I regret that your main character from this story lives such hard live. I can understand this is totaly broken relationship and I don't aprove it. This is wrong and you are absolutely right about that. But I strongly disagree that you use bonsai topic to make the comparison. You obviously understand humans and their lives, but, I am sorry, you dont have a clue about bonsai. If you ever try to grow one then you would understand that bonsai will not stand any torture, it will die at your first attempt. Fertilizing underwatered bonsai is the same as droping it into trash. On the other hand, you dont understand the basics and that bonsai has 24/7 attention at most cases, whether you would accept it or not. The relation between small tree and its gardener is far more firm than you can think of. The same as normal marriage between humans. Yes, some of wannabe bonsaists, try to get the small tree by torturing, they are idiots in bonsai world, and they fail at first attempt and quit. There are also weird people amongst us. But you compare this single weirdo with the complete proces of bonsai art, thus insulting millions of bonsaists that take great care about their trees.
    If you rather claim that this treatment to wife is the same as you would treat the bonsai as described (so it will die for abandoning and torture) then every bonsaist would clap at you.
    Your story is a good piece of advice for wannabe bonsai hobysts, but in reverse: if you treat your bonsai like the mention husband treat his wife, you will kill it in no time. If you don't believe me, ask whoever bonsaist if what you said about bonasai stands for either horticultular, bilogical, artistic or any other aspect.

    1. hi there, i appreciate your thoughts and i respect ur disagreement on the comparison made. some wouldnt take it hardly but some, find it quite inappropriate i can say. nevertheless, about 'torturing' the plants in order to make it into bonsai, might not please some, but that was what the champion of bonsai competition in Kelantan, Malaysia has shared his knowledge about it. honestly speaking, i oppose to any kind of torture, eventho to plants.

  6. I was googling for the term 'human bonsai' while translating my piece on bonsai and landed here. Please read my piece here...
    I tried to relate bonsai with human relationship - be it husband-wife, father-son, boss-subordinate etc.